Ha - Cormanus, I know what you mean, BUT - Spaceman, unfortunately, I'm more like you.
The bike spent the day in my office (note the carpeting and houseplant in the above pics), where I spent much more time cleaning her than I did any true office work!
It's in 99% better shape than it was, but unfortunately there's some cracks and crevices that are just too inaccessible to shop rags...