The dumbest question I've ever been forced to ask

[Lord Popgun]

Well with Ptero in hiding Ohiorider can't get Hubris Oil...

[Cormanus]

Well with Ptero in hiding Ohiorider can't get Hubris Oil...

Oh, I don't know. If Ohiorider either posted his credit card details here on the forum or PMed Pterodactyl, something would be sure to happen.

[Stichill_imp]

I'd bet they don't bother to put a coat of fresh oil on the gasket at the factory. It's not overtightened so much as the gasket adheres to the metal under heat. The good news is that the torque required to remove a stuck oil filter is only that amount needed to rip apart the gasket.

[feralchimp_imp]

The first time I changed the oil filter on the CB11, I was on speakerphone with my Mom. She heard a nontrivial amount of grunting and swearing that day. Then I spilled oil on the back patio...and told her I'd call her back.

[ohiorider_imp]

Well with Ptero in hiding Ohiorider can't get Hubris Oil...

Oh, I don't know. If Ohiorider either posted his credit card details here on the forum or PMed Pterodactyl, something would be sure to happen.

Oh, I don't know. If Ohiorider either posted his credit card details here on the forum or PMed Pterodactyl, something would be sure to happen. Who is this Ptero of whom you speak?

Bob

[Nortoon_imp]

Time for a little humour. This is an account on my first oil change for my CB500XA. It's long, but I think you will enjoy it.

Keystone Kops Oil Change

I think I have everything I need:
A warm CB500X, check
1 four liter jug of Honda oil, check
1 Honda oil filter with gasket and filter wrench, check
1 Honda drain bolt washer, check
An official Honda shop manual and my riders manual, check
A 2 x 4 foot sheet of hardboard under the bike in case of spills
A 15 x 18 x 5 inch plastic (kitty litter) pan in front of the main stand to catch the oil, check
2 rolls of shop towels, check
A large cooling fan, check
23 years of experience changing the oil of 10 different motorcycles, check
OK, so off we go. Remove the plastic oil filler cap.

Crawling on the garage floor, I am trying to find where they hide the drain bolt? Where’s my flash light? OK, there’s the HORIZONTAL plug. Could they have made anymore inaccessible? After three tries, I find the proper metric socket. Grunt! Grunt! Ping! Finally!

Now I remember a previous post that says the oil does not fall straight downward. Turn the bolt out slowly and, OH MY GOD! (Not my actual words.) A gusher shooting straight out and splashing all over off the main stand. Quick put the drain bolt back in! Ow! Ow! This stuff is hot!

OK, how are we doing so far? Two litres of oil all over the main stand, the hard board, the garage floor, my hands and arms; but none in the pan. Hmmm? What are the Japanese words for MORONIC HONDA DESIGN ENGINEER? (Again not my actual words.)

Wipe my hands and arms off on numerous shop towels, and run to fetch an 18 kilogram box of clumping cat litter in the corner of the garage by the garbage cans. No time to find a scoop, I quickly dig the litter out with my hands and chuck over the split oil. I know what you are thinking. Was that clean litter? Well clean is a relative term right? After all we are greasy motorcyclists. All I can say is there were no lumps or buried treasures.

Whew! I hope I can get this cleaned up before the home boss finds out. The door to the house opens. “What’s going on out here? What’s all the cursing for?” Well so much for that idea. I had a little oil spill I explain meekly. One cold look and the boss turns and closes the door. Well that went better than I expected, as I didn’t have to listen to “I told you not to buy that motorcycle!”

OK! Time to regroup. I find a piece of 2x4 and prop up the back of the litter pan. After slowly removing the drain bolt, the oil now splashes into the pan. I pull the 2x4 and wait until the flow stops.

I pick up the drain bolt to remove the old washer, but it’s not there. So it’s either stuck to bike, covered with 18 kilograms of cat litter, or fallen in the hot oil. Crawling on the floor amidst the litter and used oil, I confirm it not stuck to the bike.

Hmmm? OK, I get my telescoping magnet and check the hot oil. Fished out some metal filings, but no washer. Check the new washer with the magnet and find it’s alloy. Tilt the pan and there it is. Well that’s better than digging through 18 kilograms of oil soaked kitty litter with my hands.

Put the new washer on the bolt and tightened it back on. Yah! I know, I should have a fancy slipping torch wrench and tighten it to 30 neutron bombs. But snug and a 1/8 turn has always worked before.

OK! The next step is the oil filter. I slip the litter pan under it. On cars they are hand tightened, but according to the Honda manual they are torqued on to 18 neutron bombs. Well I can use a boa I tell the service rep. A boa is a kitchen device with a rubber strap and plastic handle for removing stubborn lips from jars. The service rep rolls her eyes and suggests I buy the filter kit with the proper wrench. I find out its only $5 more, so I buy it.

OK! Slip the filter wrench on, and the proper box wrench has been found out a three I selected. The filter is right beside the hot and ugly discoloured exhaust pipes and surrounded by a plastic air dam with sharp edges. Hmmm? Having been burnt and bitten by many bikes I the past, I proceed with trepidation. Grunt! Grunt! Ping! Whew! The Thais must be using Japanese Sumo wrestlers to put these things on. Thank you Olivia for talking me into buying that filter wrench. I don’t think the boss would have appreciated me breaking her kitchen boa.

Now that the old filter has been removed, it’s time to put the new filter on. But first I have to pop the old one from the wrench. Grunt! Grunt! Hmmm? Stick the bottom of the wrench in the vise and tighten it down. I began pulling and twisting with both oily hands. Grunt! Grunt! Pop! Whew!

Some clean oil was added to the new filter, the gasket oiled and on she goes. Snugged it down and gave it 1/8th of a turn. About 18 neutron bombs right? There’s a little oil on the inside of the air dam, but I wisely decide to ignore it for now. I know those hot exhaust pipes and sharp edges are just waiting to burn and bite me.

Last step, adding oil. Dig through all my garage funnels and finally find a large one that will fit in the hole. Unfortunately it’s at such an awkward angle, it’s not going to hold a lot of oil before it spills over the top. This is going to be a slow process. What’s the Japanese words for MORONIC HONDA DESIGN ENGINEER? (Again not my actual words.)

Poured a good amount of oil in SLOWLY and checked the container to see how much I have poured. Hmmm? Can’t really see how much is left in it in a shady garage. Where’s that flash light? After several tries there is a little over a liter left in the 4 liter container. Put the oil filler cap back on and started the bike to circulate the oil. Let the bike run a while and shut it off. The manual says to wait 3 to 5 minutes to see where the level is in the sight glass. Five minutes! Will this ordeal ever end? Well I guess I can use the time to clean the oil and kitty litter off my knees and elbows.

Five minutes later and the level is low. So much for the manual’s 2.7 liters for an oil and filter change. Good thing they didn’t sell me 3 liters. Added some more oil, put the oil filler cap back again, started the bike again, waited another 5 minutes. Hurray! At long last the ordeal is over! Well not quite.

I still have to find a container to put the used oil in. Fortunately I was able to empty the contents of a windshield washer jug into the car. I stick the funnel in the top and the jug falls over. Well better now than in the middle of a pour I think. There is a box of wine bottles waiting to be returned in the corner of the garage. I lift a few bottles out and stuff the jug into it. As I am pouring the last of the oil out of the kitty litter pan, I notice the metal shards in it. Now if I was panning for gold I would be happy, but this is somewhat unnerving. Good thing I did this oil change now.

OK! The oil change has been done, but now I have a motorcycle stuck in the middle of a large pile of oil soaked kitty litter. Good thing I have a spray washer handy. Roll the bike out of the way, and search for the broom and dust pan. Find a suitable sturdy plastic bag to line the kitty litter box and start cleaning up the oily kitty litter mess. The box weighs considerably more than when I started and is oil stained. I hope the garbage men don’t refuse it.

Now that the kitty litter is out of the way, I find the bottom of the hard board and the garage floor are covered with oil. Good thing I bought two rolls of shop towels. Mop up the oil and set the messy shop towels aside to be washed later, as it would be dangerous to stuff them in a garbage can in a hot garage.

Spray washed the garage and laneway with a degreasing cleaner. Filled a pail with a diluted solution of the degreaser and cleaned the oil out of the shop towels down at the curb. Fortunately the neighbourhood tree hugger across the street didn’t see me contaminating her environment. Cleaned the main stand and wheels of the bike. Now that the engine had cooled, I could also clean the inside of the air dam. Ouch! Just kidding! I did escape without being burnt or bitten, but I did smell of oil. Or is that kitty litter? Time for a nice hot bath and change of clothes.

Will I change the oil myself the next time? Not if the dealer doesn’t charge more than double the $60 I spent on supplies, not counting the used kitty litter. But anything much more than that and I may give it another try. Before I do, an empty windshield washer container from the local gas station may get cut up to make a splash guard funnel to direct the hot oil into the kitty litter pan. I’m thinking if I cut the front out of one and tape it in front of the main stand upside down, I may get lucky enough to avoid another Exxon Valdez oil spill. I certainly will be wearing insulated rubber gloves in case I have to refasten the drain plug however.

Yesterday I rode the bike for 5 1/2 hours and the drain bolt and oil filter did not leak. So I guess the old method of snugging it down and an extra 1/8 of turn may still work after all.

[Lord Popgun]

Well with Ptero in hiding Ohiorider can't get Hubris Oil...

Oh, I don't know. If Ohiorider either posted his credit card details here on the forum or PMed Pterodactyl, something would be sure to happen.

Oh, I don't know. If Ohiorider either posted his credit card details here on the forum or PMed Pterodactyl, something would be sure to happen. Who is this Ptero of whom you speak?

Bob

Oh, I don't know. If Ohiorider either posted his credit card details here on the forum or PMed Pterodactyl, something would be sure to happen. Who is this Ptero of whom you speak?

Bob
One of our Austrailian members who is, or may be, on the run from various international law enforcement agencies, spies, or John Wick.
His mug shot: http://cb1100forum.com/forum/showthread....#pid166310 in the blue shirt.

His secret concoction that only Crocodile Dundee knows the formula of: http://cb1100forum.com/forum/showthread....0#pid84740

[the Ferret]

Nortoon that pretty much describes every oil change I have done on my ST Honda...all 22 of them. I hate oil.

[Cormanus]

Great story, Nortoon. Last time I changed the oil in the CB1100 it came out with such force it simply bounced off the bottom of the drain pan and went everywhere. I hate engine oil!

[noroomtomove]

Nortoon, a good read, will reflect on your adventure in the garage when next I loosen the oil drain plug.

Regards