how often and how do you wash/clean your pride and joy?

[BestStandard_imp]

Returning to the OP's question ... about once a day.

The bike will get cleaned when it needs it.

Exactly what came to my mind at first. However, I thought, I got it this way, as I'm not a native English speaker. But when it also comes from Cormanus...

As to the topic, I do it like Cormanus does.

Exactly what came to my mind at first. However, I thought, I got it this way, as I'm not a native English speaker. But when it also comes from Cormanus...

As to the topic, I do it like Cormanus does.
But what about the other questions in the OP:

"2. how do you clean it?"
"is there a brain dead easy way of keeping the chrome shining etc?"
"i am pretty negligent with my cars so please the easiest methods only"

In my humble old geezer opinion (IMHOGO), Pro Honda Spray Cleaner & Polish (or equivalent) is the best product/cleaning method recommendation that addresses all of these OP questions. It's so good and versatile, I put it up there with Duct Tape, WD40... and RLETS! How is that off topic?